Tiny little tears in my heart.

My last night in LA. I woke up Monday morning, just another Groundhog Day, saw my friend Tam's post about another tour and TA-DA, four days later, I'm spending my last night in The Dome. Now don't fret I'll be back in June, but it hurts my heart to leave LA. I love LA. I know how to get around a good part of LA, I understand my cardinal directions of the city. I've even come to love the city's ugly step-child: air pollution. It's nasty, gross and smelly, but it's LA. I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to get massively homesick and I'm going to have to spend a ton of money on finding places to stay. I'm scared that the major risk I'm taking in order to pay off my debt is going to somehow put me in more debt. But everyone seems really optimistic about it, they're sure I'll find my way and meet people and I'll love it. Sometimes it's just not so easy to constantly tackle the Earth all by yourself. Thank God people have been so supportive and excited. I've been able to come to M.A.C., Yana (my internship) and the crew for My Future Girlfriend (also the creators of "We Need Girlfriends", youtube the show, they are almost at 1 million views) and they are all sad to see me go, but they are all happy for me. I hope they will receive me with open arms when I come back. I'm doing a mobile marketing tour with a marketing company out of LA, and their client is Bare Escentuals. We'll be taking on the target demographic in San Fransisco, NYC and Chicago, positively representing the label and providing product knowledge and samples for the consumer.
I've had to put an immediate halt to every thing I was doing: all of the groundwork I was laying, all of the relationships I was making, all of the jobs I was trying to get, all on pause. I prayed to God and just asked that whatever path I was supposed to take, that He just put me on that path. I didn't ask him to please let me stay here or please give me the tour, I just asked to be put in the direction that was right for me and this is what he did.
I'm trying to take everything in, not take it for granted, take in the Hills, the crazy people, the streets and the soundtrack that has made all of this my home over the past five months...
Silversun Pickups
The Toxic Airborne Event
The Pixies
Ya Boy
Mack 10
Lily Allen
Miley Cyrus (yes, shut up)
Jeremih
Band of Horses
Arcade Fire
Jay-Z
Sad Brad Smith
Radiohead
Spoon
B.O.B.
Sooo much more.
I hope to God this will be a good thing. I hope I'll be ok. I wish I could push pause on LA and have nothing change until I come back. But that won't happen. The world has to continue moving on, whether I want it to or not. I've made some fantastic friends, I love my roommates: Robbie Bear, Ganyon, Blastin and Steff. Oh and all the other nomads who flitted in and out of The Dome. The Amazing Dome. I can't wait to come back. I already miss you LA!

Every night I spoon Punksatony Phil

Every morning, for the past five months (wow I've been here for five months?), I wake up, open my eyes and look out the window. The sun is shining, there are no clouds in the sky, it is a perfect sky blue. I think "what work am I doing today?" I no longer see the days as dreadful Monday, almost there Wednesday or exciting Friday. I see them as M.A.C., My Future Girlfriend, internship, networking, fashion show, junket, music video... I don't know the days of the week. The only indicator between one day and the next is that the gardner comes on Monday, street cleaning comes on Thursday, and trash comes on Friday. This morning I heard the gardner weed eating and I thought "I guess it's Monday", shut the curtains and slept for another hour. Sometimes I work for 13 days straight (thank you God!), sometimes I have 3 days off in a row (insert panic here). I love what I do, I love the girls I work with, they are amazing, they are my saving grace. I love my roommates, they are my brothers. I've been lucky enough to love the crews that I work with as well. They have been amazing down to earth, hard working guys. I actually love driving to work and driving around L.A. to run my errands. This city is so different than any other I've ever lived in. I'm STILL not over the palm trees lining the streets, or the mountains, or how if I just happen to look to my right, I'll see the Hollywood sign up on the hill, just in case I forget where I am. I love the crazy people on Hollywood Blvd., and the beautiful people who never step out of the house without hair, makeup and a matching $300 sweatsuit on, just to go to Target. I love the sun, I love that I can go to the beach if I feel like it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the taco stands. I love that I can drive down the street everyday for five months straight and never see the same person twice. I love that I can see the tall glittery buildings of downtown L.A. from my front porch. I just wish I made at least twice as much money as I do now. There are so many things I want to do here! Concerts and art shows and restaurants and riding horses through the mountains and Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory (approximately 15 minutes from me). It's sometimes discouraging, but I am glad that my life is here and I'm pursuing my dream and some major goals. So here I am; wake up, open your eyes, another beautiful day, go to work, come home, work out, drink a glass of wine (thank you God!), watch a movie, make some phone calls, go to bed, pull Punksatony Phil close to me, and do it all again the next day.

I am whatever you say I am

Even though my intentions are almost always good, I admit that sometimes I have a bad attitude. That being said, I learned a very very hard lesson in the industry this weekend. Sometimes the people you think are your friends are not. These blogs are supposed to be about my experiences in L.A., but I can't come to describe the humiliation, sadness and betrayal I experienced on Friday. I can't go into detail because that would turn this blog into an epic four-part chronicle of pronouns which interests no one but the direct party involved. I'll just say that I grew to care about the girls I went to school with, as well as my instructor, Veronica. (Veronica is one of the most amazing teachers I've ever had, as well as a friend.) I was actively intersted in the lives and futures of 2/3 of the girls in the class. It's too bad this sincerity and friendship couldn't be returned, or even legitimately severed by one of those former classmates. It's also unfortunate that when a former student makes an unintentional mistake, or simply offends someone else at the school, the school will be quick to make judgement and hand out verdicts and punishments. I value my education because I was fortunate enough to have the instructors that I did. This being said, that facility did absolutely nothing for me in the end. Moral of this vague story: there are very few people in this town who have your back. If you can find a genuine person here, cherish them, becuase they are far and few between.

I wish I could blog and drive

Only 9 minutes to shove these thoughts out before I prepare for another day in Pasadena. Usually home of the rose bowl and quite a lovely drive as well. There is a view of one of the taller mountains on my way to work and because it is one of the taller ones, even when it's 80 degrees outside this mountain has perfect white snow right on the very top. I love that. However, L.A. has been very unladylike lately. Rain rain rain rain rain. You'd think this was Seattle or Ireland or something, except those areas are prepared for weather. L.A. only knows one weather: sunny. She doesn't know what to do with rain and tornadoes and cold. Strange parts of the streets and parking garages are flooding, cars are almost floating away. Just the other day I waded out into over a foot of water to save my managers brand new Mercedes from being carried away. I did the wading because I'm the only person in L.A. who owns a pair of rain boots. I'm so glad I brought those. The other day I was driving past Hollywood Blvd., home of all those characters you see walking around taking pictures with tourists, and I see Spongebob Squarepants cowering in the entrance of a building, hiding from the rain and trying to keep it together. He looked like he was fixing to lose it. All of the beautiful palm trees in my neighborhood look like they have given up their fight with the wind and are permanently bend in a position of defeat. This is NOT L.A. I didn't move out here to see grey skies day after day. It looks like we'll get a break from this crapola this weekend. It will be sunny, but still only in the lower 60s. But still, sun. You know, everyone says the heinousness of driving in L.A. is second only to prison sex, but I actually enjoy it, and I HATE driving, but L.A. has so many interesting things to look at: mountains, neighborhoods, shops, crazy people...I'm ready for sunny L.A. to come back.

One giant leap in my moon boots

I created this blog site years, literally years ago (ok three) when I felt I had so many thoughts and opinions to share, I didn't know where to put them. But when it came time to let them out, I was too afraid. I was afraid of what people would think and what they would say. How would they recieve me the next time they saw me? A lot has happened since then. I now live in a city, an actual CITY where I can almost say anything I want and really, no one will care. So here it is, here it comes, my life in Los Angeles! The city of angels. Brace yo self, fool!