My LA Story: I was mugged and I believe in miracles

Everything happens for a reason, but if I have to put the blame on someone, I blame the skunks. You see I’m afraid of skunks; really I’m afraid of their spray and the way they fearlessly approach me. So Saturday night, when I parked my car at the top of Whitley Heights and walked down the hill towards my building, I took the street rather than the sidewalk because they are always hiding in the bushes by the sidewalk. I didn’t pay much attention to the car that stopped in front of me, didn’t pay a lot of attention when it turned around in a driveway (I assumed they were also looking for parking) and it didn’t surprise me when they started back down the hill. I can officially say I do not have a sixth sense for danger, or at least I chose not to hear it because as the car slowed down next to me, the thought of pretending like I lived in the house to my right was just a fleeting one that went away as fast as it came. I am officially naïve and trusting and I paid for it. The guy and the girl in the car came to a stop and asked for directions to Poinsettia and Sunset. As I was pointing in the direction of those two streets I heard her say something and then the car door opened. I didn’t even have time to wrap my head around the reason for him getting out of the car when I saw a thick liquid heading straight towards my face. Still in my naïve mindset, I thought it was silly string and someone was playing a joke on me. But when it splattered all over me I knew it wasn’t silly string even though it didn’t immediately burn when it hit my face, neck, hands, and legs. But when he grabbed my pursed and tried to yank it out of my hands I held on. My inner bulldog came out and I wasn’t going to let go. He shook my bag back and forth and my body lurched around like a ragdoll. I jerked back with my purse in the crook of my elbow and then he whipped me around and threw me to the ground where he dragged me down the hill, still twisting and trying to get the bag free from my arm. By this time I had dropped my bag of groceries out of my other hand and I was holding on with both hands. Dumb. But all I could think is that I didn’t want to go through with the trouble of closing my bank account, buying a new phone and replacing whatever else was in that brand new purse. Finally I heard the girl say “just let go” and I screamed “I can’t!”; partly because I couldn’t straighten my arm in order to let go and also because…I didn’t want to. Fuck those guys!! They think because I’m little and blonde I’m not going to put up a fight? Fuck. That. Then something inside told me to let go because this was going to take a turn for the worst. I had the feeling he was going to punch me in the face, I was already down on the ground, I still had a lot of fight left in me, but I’m 1000% sure a punch to the face would have done me in – mostly out of vanity. So I let go. He jumped in the car with my purse and they sped off down the hill. And then I did what every little blonde girl who’s ever been mugged has done: I yelled for help. Thank the Lord Jesus my amazing neighbors Raymond and Christiane were home and thank God again that Raymond is slightly bat shit, ADD and apparently awake at random times of the day. He immediately ran out of his part of the house, in nothing but his underwear and asked me what happened. And then I started crying, which somehow kicked the pepper spray into full force. My nose started running and when I tried to sniff it back, the pepper spray activated in my nose and ran down my throat. Then I started coughing because I could feel it getting into my lungs. The last thing I remember seeing is my bare feet and realizing that this guy knocked me out of my shoes and then I just hit the ground and sobbed. I was done. I just wanted to lay down on the ground but I was so shocked by what happened I couldn’t move. And then I heard Christiane right next to me on the ground and she was giving me a cold towel. I pressed this to my face because that’s what 911 told her to do, which we later learned was completely incorrect. This actually prolongs the severe burning of the pepper spray. The police officers, fire department and ambulance were there in NO TIME – probably the quickest response I’ve ever heard of. It was a shame I couldn’t get a good look at any of them though, that would have made for a great love story…”so how’d you two meet? Well, she was doused in pepper spray and bawling and covered in snot, but there was something so beautiful and poetic about it…” Not this time sorry everyone, but not to worry there’s a bit of a love twist coming up in just a minute. The paramedics were the first to go because there were no major injuries and after taking my pulse which they said was surprisingly low after what had just happened, my response being “I run” (I just couldn’t resist), there was nothing left for them to do. The fire department stuck around for a bit longer, checked out my back which actually hurt quite a bit, made sure I didn’t have any major injuries and after probably 10 minutes they left as well. Last were the police officers who had to take a statement from myself and Christiane. By the time it was all said and done, 40 minutes had passed since I was sprayed and I was just starting to be able to open my eyes again. Christiane took me up to her house to make me some tea and get me to a calm place but all I wanted to do was be in a familiar place with a familiar person. And there was only one person I had in mind. I didn’t know how to reach my Mr. Big because I didn’t have my phone, I had blocked him from my twitter and I couldn’t message him on his because I definitely was not following his account. And then I remembered I had his email. I emailed him that I had been mugged sprayed and dragged down the hill and that I need him. And he immediately wrote back. Twice. Big wanted to know where I was, how to get in touch with me and what to do. It was such a relief when Christiane’s phone rang and I heard his voice on the other end. I thought I would completely lose it all over again. Someone who has caused me so much excruciating pain in the past 10 months was now actually going to be there to help save the day. I never thought that would happen. The strange thing is, I was actually going to go to his show earlier that night unbeknownst to him, but in the end I knew it wouldn’t be good for me and I decided not to go. I hadn’t seen Big in two months to the date and now I was going to see him after all. Christiane straightened me out as much as she could and then walked me to my apartment. I finally looked in the mirror and what I saw kind of surprised me. My face and neck were scorching red and shiny and my hair was disheveled and wavy which was interesting to me until I touched it and realized I was COVERED in pepper spray. All I could do was brush my teeth, as I was too afraid to do anything else. Two months since I’ve seen the person who devastated my heart and here I am looking one false move from homeless. Oh well. Then I heard Big calling my name from the street 50 feet below and I hobbled down the stairs as fast as my mushy body would let me. It was just like the movies, I ran right to him and threw myself on him and cried. Then he took me to his car and sprung into fix-it mode, looking up ways to neutralize pepper spray, he was even feeling the effects of it just from having my hair on his face so it was definitely still active. The favored solution? Milk. So we drove to the drug store and bought some milk. I didn’t have to worry about anything, he just had a plan and took care of it. Even with the pepper spray, the scrapes and pain I still found myself trying to gauge the energy between us but it was difficult, probably because he was in this mindset of a small catastrophe, but what if it was because he was…over me? I couldn’t tell. We grabbed the milk and left. It was around 1 a.m. by this time and Hollywood was a shit show. There were helicopters flying overhead, a guy pissing in the bushes, a girl vomiting out of a car and just general anarchy all around. After 20 minutes of looking for a parking spot, Big gave up and pulled back into the cul-de-sac of my building. He turned to me and asked me what I wanted to do because he couldn’t park in my neighborhood. I told him I couldn’t do this by myself and we decided to go upstairs and get my things. We then took the all too familiar route to his house, and I was mostly in my own thoughts while he texted someone…Lord knows who…his assistant? Someone he was supposed to meet up with? Another girl? I didn’t care. We pulled into the garage, out of habit I moved my arm off the rest so he could turn off the alarm and when I walked in I remembered how I thought I would never see this place again. The smell of his house was so familiar, I should have felt at home, but I didn’t. So much had happened and changed between us, it was like that Gotye song “Someone I used to know.” Everything was there but slightly off. No matter, this wasn’t a visit to rekindle anything or start anything, it was two people who knew each other very well and cared about each other at that moment. We went downstairs to the bathroom and for a moment I didn’t really know how this should or would happen. Is he in a relationship? Should I not be getting naked in front of him? You know what, I don’t really give a shit, this is about me and right now I’m covered in pepper spray and slightly broken. So I got undressed, which was actually quite painful and got in the shower. Big told me he was going to pour the milk over my head and that I needed to make sure it got all over my hair, face and neck. It was absolutely positively freezing. We did it in three rounds each time with me stifling a scream while he poured that smelly fat gross stuff over my head. I’m pretty sure he hated seeing me in all of this pain and discomfort for the past hour but he was stoic for the situation. If you knew Big, you’d know that was a really big deal. He is nothing if not absolutely pure undiluted selfishness. After three rounds of dairy I just stood under the water and tried to warm up. And then this: I had to pee. The entire reason I reached out to him and only him was because I knew this was the one person with whom I could be completely broken and not have to worry about someone seeing me at my worst. I’ve seen the worst of him and now it was his turn. So, I told him I had to pee and he just pointed in the shower, which I was still standing in…showering (ick). And then he said “I have to pee too.” So here we were, him at the toilet me in the shower, peeing. He went back into the bedroom while I finished washing the blood, dirt and pepper spray off of me. My mind wove in and out of a state of familiarity and surreal; listening to Jon Stewart while I got ready for bed at Big’s house was something I used to be very accustomed to. It was also something I swore would never happen again because there was no way I was ever letting him back into my world. I swear life hands you your own ass sometimes, because here I was. But I still didn’t want to sleep in that bed, where I knew that other girl had been for the past two months since I had walked away(actually hours after I walked away). This bed didn’t feel like my bed anymore and it didn’t look like my bed (I should have taught him about thread count before I left him) and the bedside table didn’t have my things on it anymore, but it had Big and that was what mattered to me at that moment. Before I climbed in, I saw a folded piece of paper lying on the floor and I immediately recognized it as the letter I’d written to him back in September; what was it doing there? Was he reading it? Was she reading it? Did he just stumble upon it and in a lack of decision toss it on the floor until he could deal with it later? I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that. I quickly looked away and just like old times I climbed into bed, he held his arms open and I settled down into my old spot. He asked me if I was ok and I sensed that he didn’t just mean about what had happened earlier that night. I told him I was starting to be ok, which was partly true. And then told him about the paramedics telling me I had a low blood pressure after such a traumatic event and before I could tell him my response, he said in teasing tone “because I run!” and I said “that’s what I told them!!” He just laughed it off like he wasn’t surprised. After laying there for a while, Big sat up and asked me what made me reach out to him specifically and I told him he was the only person I thought of, and then he laid back down and fell asleep. I didn’t really sleep that night between the adrenaline from being violently mugged and being at Big’s house, I just couldn’t quiet my mind. I couldn’t relax. A few hours later it was 5 a.m. and I still hadn’t really slept. I couldn’t stop thinking about that car door opening and then seeing the pepper spray and the feeling of that guy dragging me all over the street. And then Big was awake and telling me about a dream he just had. He was at a concert and everything was in black and white and then he said I was there and in all of those people we found each other. Before I let the exhaustion take me over, Big told me he had forgotten how good this was. I finally fell asleep and woke up late next morning hardly able to move. I went upstairs and made coffee and tried not to be bothered by everything I saw, or didn’t see: the orchid I gave him was gone, and someone had been cooking in the kitchen, which used to be my kitchen. I made the coffee and brought it downstairs to Big who was getting ready to jump in the shower. When I walked back into the bedroom I noticed the letter was gone. Big loaned me $200 to get me through the day until the banks opened on Monday, I waited while he got cleaned up and we left the house and took his car to get it washed before he took me home. While we waited I told him some funny stories – more stuff that I could only tell him and my closest friends. We laughed, made jokes, and had our old ebb and flow. He told me he missed our conversations. This entire time I knew he was playing it safe and holding back because he didn’t want to be the cause of anymore pain in my life in addition to what I’d been through the night before as well as what I’d been through with him for the past 10 months. He drove to my apartment, branded a parking post with one of his stickers (he can’t resist) walked me upstairs, added “Tazer!” to my shopping list in the bathroom (What? It’s where I do a lot of my thinking!), I walked him to the door and watched him drive away. I don’t know why the universe put that man in my life back in 2008, or Saturday night and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it now but if we are supposed to end up together, it’s not supposed to happen any time soon. I won’t be forcing that situation ever again and I will not hold my breath in anticipation. It’s ironic because I chose not to go to that show for the love of myself and I ended up seeing him anyways. Big came into my life when I really needed him, and he was selfless and he was there for me and I appreciate him for that. Does it change anything? No. Does it take away what he’s done to me? No. Does it mean anything? I don’t know. I don’t want to look at anything anymore. I don’t want to know what they’re doing, what he’s doing; I just want the taste of something good to be left in my mouth, instead of the horribleness I’ve been swallowing for the past sixty days. I can’t go back down that rabbit hole, it nearly killed me last time. After he left I got myself together and decided to go ahead with my plans to drive to Vegas. Hell, now that I wasn’t going to work on Sunday I could actually get a head start. But first I had to get a phone. It’s not that I NEED a phone, but driving through the desert by myself without a phone seemed super stupid. There were only three problems: I didn’t have an ID, credit/debit card and it was Sunday. But I DID have my passport and a checkbook so off I went to the Apple store in The Grove. Fail. AT&T store. Fail. Call to Best Buy. Fail. A new phone was not in the cards so I went home and accepted defeat. No phone, no glorious road trip to Vegas with the windows down, pumping Tom Petty and putting my Heartbreaker behind me. But when I got back to my apartment I checked my email and there it was; a message from iCloud stating that my phone was located!!!! I emailed Christiane and then scrambled downstairs to my neighbors apartment to use her phone to call the Po-lice. Fail. I could not have dealt with a bigger asshole. I was ready to give up; I was tired, sore and just over it. I went back upstairs and in that time my neighbor had emailed me to tell me to come up to her house so we could call the police. I didn’t tell her that I’d already tried that, I just obliged, thinking maybe we could add something to the report, which she had at her house. But Christiane is amazing. She does not give up. She is woman. She called and pushed buttons and got through to Detective F who sent a car to Hawthorne to try to locate the area of the signal. The three of us worked on it for hours, with me leaving only to pick up dinner as neither of us had eaten all day and she didn’t sleep well the night before either. The officers sent us a couple of pictures of possible vehicles and after that it was radio silence. The team was finished for the night, but I am so grateful to Detective F for all of the work he did and to Christiane for allowing me to invade her personal space and personal time for the second time. I was finally exhausted and ready for bed so I walked home climbed in bed and the next thing I knew it was morning and someone was pounding on my door. I’d say I shot out of bed but that’s like saying the Tin Man sprung to life when he saw Dorothy. I’m even more sore today than I was yesterday or Saturday night when the robbery happened. But there was a detective at my door and I had to get my wits about me. Wait…there’s a detective? At my door? I guess they’re taking this pretty seriously. Much more serious than the first guy I spoke to who basically told me good luck and fuck off. Detective S was at my apartment for the next 3 hours, working with a team who went back down to Hawthorne and relentlessly scanned the area looking for the car, the perpetrator(s) and my phone. She also called Christiane back down to my apartment and that poor girl sat there with us and was so helpful, it was like she was robbed as well. How on earth do you repay someone like that?? At 11:30 Big emailed to check in on me and I filled him in on the situation and he was very happy and enthusiastic about the developments, but he still insisted that I get a Taser. I still haven’t told him they’re $400. Honestly, all I can think about is how much it hurts to breathe or cough or hold a coffee cup. But back to the iPhone…Detective S spoke to tech support at Apple about the proximity and GPS location of my phone in order to get a more accurate location. We also used Google earth to find out what the neighborhood may look like. It turns out my phone was taken to a cell phone shop where the perp was probably trying to get it unlocked and wiped so he could either use it or sell it. Detectives got there after he left, took possession of the phone which they confirmed was mine because of the serial number (amazing!!!) and questioned the man working at the cell shop. The last thing Detective S told me before she left was that they had surround the beauty shop where the perp apparently had been for most of the day and they were waiting for him to come out. They didn’t want to enter the shop in case he was armed or hostile so they were waiting him out. As Detective S leaned over to write her email on her business card, I saw the nozzle of her gun poke out from her suit jacket. I’d never had a gun in my apartment – another surreal experience. Later that afternoon Detective S sent me an attachment of six possible suspects; I was having my first lineup experience… via email. And as far as I can tell, the person who attacked me was not in this lineup, even though I really wanted him to be. I told her I did not believe my attacker was in this lineup and she emailed me back and told me to standby as they are gathering more information and she will contact me via email. So here I am five hours later, no phone, stuck with my laptop with another life event testing my patience. I swear this shit is going to make me the next Gandhi, or Buddha or someone really patient, orrrrr someone ready to blast the shit out of the next person who asks me for directions and uses poor grammar. Either one. Hopefully I’ll get my phone back tomorrow and I can go to the bank, open a new account and get readjusted to my life as it was. But I have a feeling my life will never be as it was.

Summer Skincare Routine

Just like your wardrobe, your skincare should change with the seasons. Spring and summer seasons mean longer days, more sun and in some regions more humidity. I’ll go through the process step-by-step with my opinion as to how to alter your daily routine. Starting with cleansers, if you’re using a cream cleanser for the drier winter months, you may find this too heavy and not active enough to remove the sweat, dirt, makeup, pollution, etc. from the day. Switching to a gentle or slightly more active foaming cleanser will probably removed the push-pop stickiness from your chin better than your cream cleanser. I like Dermalogica Special Cleansing gel or SkinCeuticals Foaming Cleanser. If you seem to get congested skin with the warmer weather, try using a Clarisonic brush or a wash cloth when rinsing off your cleanser. The only toner I use/recommend is Sea Breeze for sensitive skin – NOT the generic, the real deal. Knowing what I do about product/ingredient content (which actually isn’t much) in my opinion, I would never buy off brand products; the quality of the ingredients is inferior and often synthetic, meaning the body doesn’t know what to do with it. Much like Splenda, whom I would nickname “Satan” buy my ex dude has already taken that title. Moving on… Serums. I use a really hydrating SK-II serum in the winter but it’s too heavy for the warmer weather. I know this because when I used it in warm weather I got little clogged pores on my face. Instead I’m using a gel-based, stem-cell research packed serum by Rejuve MD. Another great serum is the Bliss Peeling Groovy, but I would only apply this at night, under moisturizer and avoiding the eye area. Also, as a blanket statement, anything by SkinCeuticals is great; you just can’t go wrong there. Most people don’t understand why a separate eye cream is necessary for their skincare routine but the answer is simple: that skin is 10 times thinner and has less oil glands than the rest of the face. I’ve found that some eye creams like Lancôme Absolue are too heavy for me and cause breakouts. I prefer SkinCeuticals Eye Balm or Bliss All Around eye cream. The former is much thicker and gives more dewy results and the latter is just a good moisturizer for the eye without bad side effects (Pause to itch the crazy sunburn on my feet from my fabulous trip to Panama). I apply my eye cream to the lids as well as under the eye, which I’ve discovered is surprising to most people. Go ahead! Put your eye cream on your ENTIRE eye area. Go crazy, live a little. Lastly and perhaps one of the most important steps is your moisturizer. For your daytime moisturizer it is absolutely essential that you have an SPF either in or on top of your moisturizer. I don’t like to spend a lot of time on my routine so I just use moisturizers with SPF in them such as 3LAB SPF 55, Bliss Youth As We Know It SPF 30 and DDF oil free moisturizer with SPF 45. I’m still using my StriVectin (it lasts foreverrrrr) and my skin seems to be transitioning well but most people would probably prefer to switch to something lighter for their night cream. Last summer I used Remede Alchemy as well as Bliss Youth As We Know It and had no problems with congestion. If you want something lighter than these, try Rare Minerals (made by Bare Escentuals) moisturizer; it has great benefits and uses apricot kernel oil as a moisturizing ingredient – nothing heavier. Some extras: If you’re experiencing summer breakouts, try my favorite spot treatment: Bare Escentuals Skin Rev-er Upper. I believe they sell this product as a sort of moisturizer but that’s silly. Just do what I say and apply it to your breakouts. This product may cause dryness so use some caution until you know how your skin will react. Sunburns are unfortunately bound to happen. I can attest that I just did a bang up job of frying my skin while in Central America, lying on an island in the Caribbean Sea while my minions prepared my meals and brought me fresh coconuts, but whatever. Irrelevant. Unless you like the “Florida” look a red tan is not particularly appealing. You know those people who say they burn first and then it turns into a tan for the rest of the summer? They are going to be old and wrinkly and gross way faster than you and me. Why? Because we use sunscreen and we get nice and golden brown, not redneck scorched. Poor souls. However, if that gigantic star sneaks up on you and takes you for a fiery ride, there are a few things you can do. First, kick yourself. Sunburns are for stupid people. If you’ve reached this part of the blog you are not a stupid person. So kick yourself. Then, get a big big bowl and fill it with ice and water. Grab a couple of hand towels and soak them in the cold water, ring them out and place them on the burn until the towels turn warm. Dunk, ring and repeat for as long as possible. This will draw the heat and some of the burn out of the skin, hopefully preventing blistering, redness and peeling as well as a general feeling of glowing in the dark. Throw some Epsom salts or apple cider vinegar in there if you’d like. This whole thing is what my science teacher called an exothermic reaction. Apply aloe or body lotion to try to prevent peeling. Last in the extras is my opinion of primers. I think they only belong in the photography/camera world. There is no need for a person to apply a primer every single day. I see so many clients with clogged up pores full of gunk and most of the time they wear a primer. It’s senseless and if one’s makeup is truly slipping off by midday that person is using the wrong skincare products and even possibly the wrong makeup. They also probably don’t know how to touch up their makeup. Blot with a paper towel or toilet paper, not those silly little oil papers which are a waste of money. Press the paper towel in your shiny areas and then apply a powder or a bit of mineral foundation. Done! No more greasies and your makeup is touched up. Voila. I hope this basic guide helps all of your lovely faces transition into the exciting and never-ending summer days which are just around the corner. Seize the fish, carpe diem.