I'm two weeks into this tour and it has been a whirlwind this entire time. Last week was really difficult, I did not want to leave LA, but I needed this money. I felt like a flag being whipped around a pole; I didn't know where I was going to live, when I would get paid and I generally just didn't feel at home anywhere I went. I'm starting to get into my groove, I'm actually living across the Bay but I really like the drive, I like the Bay Bridge, it's a relaxing drive home. And I'm making up for my lack of a social life in LA. The girls I'm working with are so fantastic and diverse and interesting and funny. They work hard and even after being together all day long they still want to chill together. We have so much planned for the next six weeks: Alcatraz, Napa, Great America, thrift stores, the Golden Gate Park, Chinatown, the Castro...so much to do. I'm going to see my dad on Monday, going back to the neighborhood of my childhood home. I have to be honest, I've spent the last few days preparing myself for a pretty bad situation. My dad got very sick in November and apparently he almost died. I haven't seen him in almost three years, but I'm afraid of what I'm going to see. I wish someone could be there to hold my hand, but I don't have anyone in my life to fill that position. Some of these things have been so hard to deal with, but I'm fortunate that I have a job, that I have a family and than I'm making friends. Zara and I took a day to be San Fran tourists, driving down the windiest road in the city (Lombard, google it and watch the video, it's cool!), taking in the view from Russian Hill, walking down the Haight, eating breakfast on Fillmore and walking down such steep hills, they built stairs into the sidewalks. Amazing. The city is full of fantastic food and hippies. It's a completely different vibe than LA. In LA all of the people at my grocery store look like they were cast as cashiers and they all have professional head shots. Here they are hairy, hippie and unattractive. The weather is crazy, cold and clammy, but it can turn sunny and crisp within moments. I'm still missing the ex, we're still corresponding. For some reason it's hard for us both to let go. Part of me wishes he could fly out here and we can cure each other's lonliness, but it would probably turn out disastrous. I've taken a year off from having a relationship and I think I'm ready for one. I'm in this city for a brief amount of time and then it's off to NYC and finally Chicago and then I'm back in the city I love: LA. I'm trying to savor every moment that I'm having because I know this is a wonderful adventure.
My list lately:
Lady Antebellum "Need You Now"
Kevin Rudolf "I made it"
Sad Brad Smith "Help Yourself"
Spoon "I Turn my Camera on"
Robin Thicke "Sex Therapy"
OneRepublic "All the Right Moves"
Kris Allen "Live Like We're Dying"
Alicia Keyes "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart"
Ingrid Michaelson "Maybe"
2/07/2010
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it.
Two weeks ago I was sitting in my room contemplating the incessant sunniness of LA, and now I'm sitting in an unfamiliar room on the other side of the San Francisco Bay, mentally preparing myself for the positive experience I'm going to have working and living in San Francisco. In whiplash speed I was hired for another tour - this time I'm working as a makeup artist on a mobile marketing tour for Bare Escentuals - and within four days I've packed my bags, settled my work schedule with my many projects in process and I'm taking the 5 north north north, over the mountains to San Francisco. I was born in a city right outside of San Francisco and it's been over 15 years since I've been back to the area and even more than that since I've lived here. It's strange to be back in the area that I'm truly from and feel absolutely homesick. I miss LA and my roommates and the familiarity I've developed with the city over the past five months. I know it's just the adjustment period, and the entire crew is feeling it, but my God last week was difficult! Our days were almost always 12 hours long, with intense training and learning the BART system and not least of all, going through a breakup. Frank* showed his true colors by taking the first opportunity he had to truly be a friend to me and dismissing it completely. He just wasn't there for me at all and when I needed him the most. He sealed his fate but at the same time he did me a favor; I was able to get to know this group of girls so much better without the distraction of having to make time for our epic phone conversations. It also made me realize just how much I don't want to be with him, so thanks for that. Zara and I made the trip back down to LA for one last encore before I really get into San Fran and we made sure to get a healthy dose of LA to take back with us to the city. I didn't expect to get back down there so soon, but I packed an entire suitcase full of summer dresses and tank tops which I've discovered is the opposite of what I need in Northern California. Noted. So we trooped down there to spend some quality time with her family and friends and to literally and figuritively shed some excess baggage. I left Frank's t-shirt in that same warm weather suitcase which I shoved under Steff's bed. I'd like to say I put the shirt under the kitchen sink to be used as a cleaning rag, but to be honest, I didn't get around to thinking about that shirt enough to care.
Zara and I are both feeling very lonely about this new chapter, but on the way out of LA something very interesting happened: we saw a rainbow. I know that sounds ordinary and common, but we saw the END of a rainbow, it literally followed us down the highway for a good 10 minutes. I've never been close enough to a rainbow to see the end of it and it was...amazing. If you think I'm making this up, I'm not. Think about it; a rainbow has to have a location because you can be on different sides of it and we drove right next to the very origin of it. Usually you see it far away in the sky but this was so close you can have walked up to it and touched it. And every single color was so distinct, it was like someone had drawn it into the air. We have decided to take it as a positive omen that we're doing the right thing by coming to San Fran. Don't get me wrong, it's a great city, but we're leaving places and comforts that we love even more so we can use all the positive signs we can get. We also heard this fantastic song about home, almost the second we got into the city so we're positive that this is going to be a great adventure. After two months in San Francisco, we'll head to NYC for a month and then Chicago for 3 weeks. I've posted below some of the music that I listened to while writing this, play it while you're reading this blog and hopefully you'll get a feel for what I'm feeling.
Detief Schrempf by Band of Horses
Iron & Wine
Zara and I are both feeling very lonely about this new chapter, but on the way out of LA something very interesting happened: we saw a rainbow. I know that sounds ordinary and common, but we saw the END of a rainbow, it literally followed us down the highway for a good 10 minutes. I've never been close enough to a rainbow to see the end of it and it was...amazing. If you think I'm making this up, I'm not. Think about it; a rainbow has to have a location because you can be on different sides of it and we drove right next to the very origin of it. Usually you see it far away in the sky but this was so close you can have walked up to it and touched it. And every single color was so distinct, it was like someone had drawn it into the air. We have decided to take it as a positive omen that we're doing the right thing by coming to San Fran. Don't get me wrong, it's a great city, but we're leaving places and comforts that we love even more so we can use all the positive signs we can get. We also heard this fantastic song about home, almost the second we got into the city so we're positive that this is going to be a great adventure. After two months in San Francisco, we'll head to NYC for a month and then Chicago for 3 weeks. I've posted below some of the music that I listened to while writing this, play it while you're reading this blog and hopefully you'll get a feel for what I'm feeling.
Detief Schrempf by Band of Horses
Iron & Wine
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