Regrets

Kelly Oxford usually tweets some gnarly/funny stuff. It will bring you to tears (of joy) and it reminds me that it is possible to find someone who can accept all of my weirdness (she often tweets about her family). But tonight as I was decompressing from a crazy day and peeing for the first time in 10 hours, I saw one of her tweets pop up with a “SERIOUS” disclaimer and a link to an article. So many people rushed to this link it crashed the site; so she tweeted another link about the same “SERIOUS” article. This site also crashed. I finally read the article on her tumblr and I thought it would be a great article to share. With the year coming to an end, we can’t help but reflect on what we’ve done for the past 300+ days. It’s what we do. Back in November 2010 I made friends with a group of guys while I was in New Orleans, they were a TON of fun and we had a great day kicking it at the pool. One guy in particular hung out with me all day and we had a great time. We laid out in the sun and played and laughed and made friends. Will and I also share a birthday on December 30, which made him even cooler. Now, I’m not big on sharing personal information but I think this is important and relevant. Will killed himself if February. I don’t know why, I don’t know what he was going through but I know that so many people loved him and thought he was amazing and it still amazes me to see how many people still write to him. Every single day someone tells him they miss him, they love him, they have dreams about him…there’s always an amazing message. I happened to keep up with one of Will’s best friends, Franky and we still chat/text/message on a regular basis. Franky was super quiet when I met him, almost snotty, but after Will died, Franky decided to live. He quit his job and spent his savings living. He traveled and moved and played and vacationed and laughed and lived this year. Franky has inspired me to live in 2012. I haven’t taken a vacation since 2008, I’ve worked every weekend except when I went to see my mother and this past Sunday, which was Christmas. It’s not that I don’t like working, I absolutely love my career but when I die, I don’t want to have one of the five themes from this article on my mind. I don’t have a New Year’s Resolution. I just want to try to truly live. I know a few people who I’m certain will end up with some of these thoughts on their mind but I’m hoping you’ll read this and decide you’d like to live without regrets as well. There is always time while you’re healthy.

Listening to:
To Build a Home by Cinematic Orchestra
Blindsided by Bon Iver
Breathe Live by Cinematic Orchestra


NURSE REVEALS TOP 5 REGRETS OF THE DYING
From Arise India Forum:
“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.