The Pursuit of Happiness

Coming back from my trip I’ve spent time with several people who were to my surprise, very interested in how my trip was and where I am now.  Most of them have wanted to know the same things: what did I learn?  Did I meet anyone special?  Did I fall in love? And where am I now?

Even though I was gone for only two months, I learned a LOT.  I believe I’m closing in on the last chapters of my personal quest to familiarize myself with the art of patience (my least virtuous trait).  I can’t say I’ve “mastered” patience because that would make me some sort of reincarnated Monk on my way to Enlightenment.  Not there yet.

In Chiang Mai, Thailand, singing "Earl" with Lara and Candida.

 

But I have discovered if you truly want something with all of your heart, you work to manifest that desire and you have to have patience, everything you want will come to you. 

I learned what happens to me when I ask for help (I become more open) and I learned what it does to another person when you ask them for help – sometimes you end up helping them.  Sure I can repay the people who have helped me but I’ll never be able to give them the gift they’ve given me. 

I met some amazing people.  People I really truly want to see again.  They changed my life and the way I see things and they were able to make me a more open person, without them even trying.  I can’t wait until these friends come to LA and I can take care of them and laugh with them again. 

I fell in love.  Like, big-time soul mate, once in a lifetime type of stuff. 

With myself. 

I love myself even more than I did before I left which in hindsight, doesn’t look like very much.   I love myself enough to know that some of the things I accepted in hopes of a relationship were just shit.  I’m able to see the signs of a shithead a lot quicker and while it’s still difficult to turn the guy down, I’m able to do it a lot faster and with grace.  I’m even able to turn down the not-so-assholey guys – the ones who are a little low on self-esteem so they inadvertently use girls to boost them back up.  Sure I get crushes but I know exactly what these guys are up to and I know it has nothing to do with me. 

To be honest I get a lot of love.  And not just the unconditional love from my mom (which by the way, how lucky am I?  I swear my mom loves me more than air), but from my friends – girls AND guys.  My male friends can’t keep their hands off of me; they hug me, swing me around, play with my hair, kiss me, hold my hand…they loooove me and I love them!  And my girls, I can’t understand it but they really actually want me around!  They miss me and want me to have breakfast with them and go hiking with them.  I’m really shocked about this, I go to stay with them and they don’t want me to leave!!  I just can’t believe it!  I’m amazed by these girls. 

So where am I?  I’m everywhere.  I’m an unemployed gypsy with a go-phone and sometimes I’m so happy I can feel the awesomeness radiate off of me in waves.  Even though at the moment I can’t go home and I’m hopping around from friend to friend without a job and without an iPhone (GASP!!)  I am super happy because I know what I want to do, where I want to be and I’m learning more and more about myself and being vulnerable, healthy and O-P-E-N.