Do I have bloggers in my nose?: Get Lost

On my way to Bali I spent some time reading a guide book my friend Holland loaned to me for my journey. I read almost everything that would apply to my first leg of the trip, including history, tradition, safety, money, emergencies, transportation, etc. Frommer’s had some great information on the history of the rice paddies, the yoga movement in Bali and even some tips on travel –like asking how much a taxi ride is BEFORE you agree to go with the driver. But I also noticed something else about their guide book – it plays very safe and caters mostly to…old scared people, to put it gently. What fun is it to stay in some fancy hotel where you don’t have to lift a finger or even a brow to figure out how you’re going to get your next meal, water or even a towel – all obstacles I faced within the first few hours of being here. I know I’m not going full-on in the adventure department, but I am traveling to the other side of the world by myself, not knowing anyone, not speaking the language and winging it on a lot of decisions. Frommer’s briefly mentions home-stays which make up a HUGE majority of the places to stay in Ubud and their section on warungs does absolutely no just for the food culture in Bali. So I’m going to give you my version of a guide book for Ubud.

In the belly of the local market

1. Book a homestay. Not only are you getting more of a genuine feel and idea of what it’s like to live in another country, you are directly supporting a FAMILY, not a hotel chain. Sure the beds are not the softest and you have to buy toilet paper (remember, they spray here) but the experience of seeing how a family exists, makes their offerings, makes their breakfast and lets their children run around with no pants on is priceless. If you can buy a ticket to Bali you can stay in a fancy hotel in your own town. Take that all-inclusive business somewhere else, go to the edge of your fear and comfort zone! The second night I was here I was woken up by a loud strange noise in my room. It was an animal of some sort and it was a noise I’d never heard before and I could not describe. I sat straight up in my bed, eyes wide with fear and unable to move. What if it was a possum? Do they have possums in Bali? Maybe it’s a rat?? For some reason my mind went to Harry Potter (don’t laugh) staying in that old dusty hotel, The Leaky Cauldron and his Big Book of Monsters. I thought “what would Harry do?” I’m not exaggerating, this is the thought that crossed my mind. Thoughts of an animal scurrying onto my bed, foaming at the mouth with rabies were just too much for me to handle, I was going to have to get out of the room. I decided I would creep to the corner of the bed nearest to the door (thank god I kept the key –yes key, in the lock of the door so as not to lose it), quietly unlock the door, flip on the light and ready myself for a lightning-quick exit. Door open, ready to pounce, I flipped on the light and saw…nothing. I scanned the room, my luggage, even the bathroom, nothing. Whatever it was, it was gone. And it couldn’t have been an animal because there was no way in or out. This mystery was solved the next evening when I made a new friend named Tom (a Venice guy!!) and he told me what it was. A gecko. It was a lizard. It could have also been a frog as I’ve heard those as well. But Tom explained to me that they can be very loud but not to worry, geckos are seen as a good thing – if they’re around your place is safe from mosquitoes and most other bugs. But you see if I had stayed at the Four Seasons that would not have happened! Now when they wake me up I get into a “shushing” war with little reptiles. I’ll also tell you another secret: I brush my teeth with the tap water, and I’m still alive. I wouldn’t recommend this in other parts of the world such as India, but if you’re in India Buddha Belly is going to get you no matter what.

A woman shopping at the market

2. Eat at warungs. Lots of them. The ones that don’t have a menu are the best. Tell the cook what you like, be gracious and respectful of their capabilities and let them work their magic. The food at these hole-in-the-wall places are so good, you’d swear your momma cooked it – if she was Balinese and covered in tattoos. It’s a super yummy home cooked breakfast lunch or dinner for $1 or $2 out the door. Genius. And the people at these places are the locals, support them!!! Stop going to Clear Café every single day. Get out there and eat some local food. If you want to hang out with a bunch of white people at a vegan café you should just stay home. Places like Bali Buddha, Clear Cafe and Soma should be a break from the local fare, not the norm. If I had decided that I was too scared to Oka’s delicious food, I would have missed out on an amazing adventure that cannot be bought. Oka was nice enough to take me on his scooter (helmets not included) the next morning to a market used by the locals in another village. This is the market he shops at to buy the food for his warung.

Children with their mother, at the market.

Oka took me where the tourist don’t go – into the dark belly of the food markets overflowing with vegetables, fruit, candy, eggs, cooking supplies and even chopped up chickens just sitting out on a counter “it’s better to buy a live chicken,” Oka told me. I didn’t ask him how or who kills the chicken. The dirt-floor aisles of these markets are no more than 18 inches wide and full of locals buying their groceries. Walking into this market was like Kyle walking into that house party in Road Trip; you could hear the record scratch as everyone stopped and stared at the little blonde chick bopping around their home turf. But here’s what you do, behave respectfully, learn to say thank you in Balinese and try (almost) anything they offer – I turned down that chopped up chicken. Oh and buy things. I bought eggs, some sort of white root that tastes like a potato, bananas and some sweet fermented rice drink. I think I may have spent $3 total. The ladies in there were fabulous. Smile at them and say ‘hello’ and you’ve made their day. All of a sudden I’m the most beautiful thing that has ever lived and they all want to touch me and laugh when I try to speak their language. It was heaps of fun.

Oka picking out the biggest eggs for me.

Lastly, I asked Oka if I could take pictures and I made sure that I was respectful of the people at the market. Oka knew I was interested in buying coffee so on our way through the villages he stopped at a local coffee roaster where I was able to look at the roasting facility and even buy some quality coffee – apparently the lesser quality is cut with rice powder and other fillers. I paid $1 a bag for the quality stuff…local prices for sure. Oka then drove us to his house, which is actually a group of houses for the entire family, usually with a small temple in the middle.

The coffee roasting room.

Oka's mother

I met his mother who look as old and frail as dust but had an amazing energy in her eyes which completely blew me away. The way she came straight to me and stuck out her hand to meet was such an amazing experience. On our way back to Ubud we stopped at a little grocery and I saw some strange things in a cooler. I asked Oka what they were and he explained that they are “spicy ice” – ice flavored with chili pepper and tamarind and sugar.

Spicy Ice

Not my favorite thing, but you would never find this in a grocery in Ubud. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been open to going into a no-name warung full of local guys. Be open to adventure. But maybe also be open to the fact that you could be hopping on the back of a scooter just to wake up in a tub full of ice and your kidneys missing. Just kidding, they don’t have ice in Bali.

3. Make friends. Go with your gut on this one, but again if I hadn’t sat down at that warung, I wouldn’t have made friend with Truce, an Aussie with a motorcycle. Truce is a bush man who knows how to get lost and found. He also speaks a good amount of Balinese. Truce took me out to his little compound where I met Stephen (pronounced Steffen) and a hand-full of Japanese people who were sitting around having a conversation about biodynamic farming. After walking barefoot through the organic garden and rousing up a snake (yikes!) we chopped down a ripe papaya and had a little snack with some coffee. I still speak a bit of Japanese and they were so thrilled they made origami animals for me! Truce and I also took a motorcycle ride to the east coast of Bali where we saw the black volcanic sand and went swimming in the ocean with the locals. Figuring out how to get to the ocean was part of the adventure, as the roads are not marked well and the maps are not always up to date. I discovered I have some pretty good directional instincts when we were trying to figure out which way to go. Most of the streets in Bali run north-south because of the mountain and the water runs downhill and eventually into the ocean (obviously, right?). So when we couldn’t figure out which direction we should head, I suggested following the water and also knowing the position of the sun allowed us to head southeast.

Stephen's friend who came from Japan to see the garden.

I also made friends with Rojes. He’s the kind of guy who can get you anything. He’s a bit of a shyster but he has very good intentions. He just likes to sell everything. But he’ll also share his lunch with you just to spend time and have company. Rojes taught me how to eat with my hand like the locals do and he shared his food-stall lunch with me – it cost him $.30 (that’s 30 cents). And then he taught me how to wash my hand with the little bucket in the bathroom, which is great because I was completely lost. It’s literally a tiny square thing, the size of a linen closet with an eastern toilet and a bucket with water in it. That is not in your Frommer’s book. I came to Bali for an experience – a real experience, one that cannot be found in a guide book. Why would I travel for almost 30 hours for something I can get at The Standard on Sunset?

Give me something real, take an unknown path, say yes, take a chance, do what they tell you not to do. And if you die doing it, well that’s a great story in my opinion.