It's amazing what time and Jebus can do.

I'm two weeks into this tour and it has been a whirlwind this entire time. Last week was really difficult, I did not want to leave LA, but I needed this money. I felt like a flag being whipped around a pole; I didn't know where I was going to live, when I would get paid and I generally just didn't feel at home anywhere I went. I'm starting to get into my groove, I'm actually living across the Bay but I really like the drive, I like the Bay Bridge, it's a relaxing drive home. And I'm making up for my lack of a social life in LA. The girls I'm working with are so fantastic and diverse and interesting and funny. They work hard and even after being together all day long they still want to chill together. We have so much planned for the next six weeks: Alcatraz, Napa, Great America, thrift stores, the Golden Gate Park, Chinatown, the Castro...so much to do. I'm going to see my dad on Monday, going back to the neighborhood of my childhood home. I have to be honest, I've spent the last few days preparing myself for a pretty bad situation. My dad got very sick in November and apparently he almost died. I haven't seen him in almost three years, but I'm afraid of what I'm going to see. I wish someone could be there to hold my hand, but I don't have anyone in my life to fill that position. Some of these things have been so hard to deal with, but I'm fortunate that I have a job, that I have a family and than I'm making friends. Zara and I took a day to be San Fran tourists, driving down the windiest road in the city (Lombard, google it and watch the video, it's cool!), taking in the view from Russian Hill, walking down the Haight, eating breakfast on Fillmore and walking down such steep hills, they built stairs into the sidewalks. Amazing. The city is full of fantastic food and hippies. It's a completely different vibe than LA. In LA all of the people at my grocery store look like they were cast as cashiers and they all have professional head shots. Here they are hairy, hippie and unattractive. The weather is crazy, cold and clammy, but it can turn sunny and crisp within moments. I'm still missing the ex, we're still corresponding. For some reason it's hard for us both to let go. Part of me wishes he could fly out here and we can cure each other's lonliness, but it would probably turn out disastrous. I've taken a year off from having a relationship and I think I'm ready for one. I'm in this city for a brief amount of time and then it's off to NYC and finally Chicago and then I'm back in the city I love: LA. I'm trying to savor every moment that I'm having because I know this is a wonderful adventure.
My list lately:

Lady Antebellum "Need You Now"
Kevin Rudolf "I made it"
Sad Brad Smith "Help Yourself"
Spoon "I Turn my Camera on"
Robin Thicke "Sex Therapy"
OneRepublic "All the Right Moves"
Kris Allen "Live Like We're Dying"
Alicia Keyes "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart"
Ingrid Michaelson "Maybe"

I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it.

Two weeks ago I was sitting in my room contemplating the incessant sunniness of LA, and now I'm sitting in an unfamiliar room on the other side of the San Francisco Bay, mentally preparing myself for the positive experience I'm going to have working and living in San Francisco. In whiplash speed I was hired for another tour - this time I'm working as a makeup artist on a mobile marketing tour for Bare Escentuals - and within four days I've packed my bags, settled my work schedule with my many projects in process and I'm taking the 5 north north north, over the mountains to San Francisco. I was born in a city right outside of San Francisco and it's been over 15 years since I've been back to the area and even more than that since I've lived here. It's strange to be back in the area that I'm truly from and feel absolutely homesick. I miss LA and my roommates and the familiarity I've developed with the city over the past five months. I know it's just the adjustment period, and the entire crew is feeling it, but my God last week was difficult! Our days were almost always 12 hours long, with intense training and learning the BART system and not least of all, going through a breakup. Frank* showed his true colors by taking the first opportunity he had to truly be a friend to me and dismissing it completely. He just wasn't there for me at all and when I needed him the most. He sealed his fate but at the same time he did me a favor; I was able to get to know this group of girls so much better without the distraction of having to make time for our epic phone conversations. It also made me realize just how much I don't want to be with him, so thanks for that. Zara and I made the trip back down to LA for one last encore before I really get into San Fran and we made sure to get a healthy dose of LA to take back with us to the city. I didn't expect to get back down there so soon, but I packed an entire suitcase full of summer dresses and tank tops which I've discovered is the opposite of what I need in Northern California. Noted. So we trooped down there to spend some quality time with her family and friends and to literally and figuritively shed some excess baggage. I left Frank's t-shirt in that same warm weather suitcase which I shoved under Steff's bed. I'd like to say I put the shirt under the kitchen sink to be used as a cleaning rag, but to be honest, I didn't get around to thinking about that shirt enough to care.
Zara and I are both feeling very lonely about this new chapter, but on the way out of LA something very interesting happened: we saw a rainbow. I know that sounds ordinary and common, but we saw the END of a rainbow, it literally followed us down the highway for a good 10 minutes. I've never been close enough to a rainbow to see the end of it and it was...amazing. If you think I'm making this up, I'm not. Think about it; a rainbow has to have a location because you can be on different sides of it and we drove right next to the very origin of it. Usually you see it far away in the sky but this was so close you can have walked up to it and touched it. And every single color was so distinct, it was like someone had drawn it into the air. We have decided to take it as a positive omen that we're doing the right thing by coming to San Fran. Don't get me wrong, it's a great city, but we're leaving places and comforts that we love even more so we can use all the positive signs we can get. We also heard this fantastic song about home, almost the second we got into the city so we're positive that this is going to be a great adventure. After two months in San Francisco, we'll head to NYC for a month and then Chicago for 3 weeks. I've posted below some of the music that I listened to while writing this, play it while you're reading this blog and hopefully you'll get a feel for what I'm feeling.


Detief Schrempf by Band of Horses
Iron & Wine

Tiny little tears in my heart.

My last night in LA. I woke up Monday morning, just another Groundhog Day, saw my friend Tam's post about another tour and TA-DA, four days later, I'm spending my last night in The Dome. Now don't fret I'll be back in June, but it hurts my heart to leave LA. I love LA. I know how to get around a good part of LA, I understand my cardinal directions of the city. I've even come to love the city's ugly step-child: air pollution. It's nasty, gross and smelly, but it's LA. I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to get massively homesick and I'm going to have to spend a ton of money on finding places to stay. I'm scared that the major risk I'm taking in order to pay off my debt is going to somehow put me in more debt. But everyone seems really optimistic about it, they're sure I'll find my way and meet people and I'll love it. Sometimes it's just not so easy to constantly tackle the Earth all by yourself. Thank God people have been so supportive and excited. I've been able to come to M.A.C., Yana (my internship) and the crew for My Future Girlfriend (also the creators of "We Need Girlfriends", youtube the show, they are almost at 1 million views) and they are all sad to see me go, but they are all happy for me. I hope they will receive me with open arms when I come back. I'm doing a mobile marketing tour with a marketing company out of LA, and their client is Bare Escentuals. We'll be taking on the target demographic in San Fransisco, NYC and Chicago, positively representing the label and providing product knowledge and samples for the consumer.
I've had to put an immediate halt to every thing I was doing: all of the groundwork I was laying, all of the relationships I was making, all of the jobs I was trying to get, all on pause. I prayed to God and just asked that whatever path I was supposed to take, that He just put me on that path. I didn't ask him to please let me stay here or please give me the tour, I just asked to be put in the direction that was right for me and this is what he did.
I'm trying to take everything in, not take it for granted, take in the Hills, the crazy people, the streets and the soundtrack that has made all of this my home over the past five months...
Silversun Pickups
The Toxic Airborne Event
The Pixies
Ya Boy
Mack 10
Lily Allen
Miley Cyrus (yes, shut up)
Jeremih
Band of Horses
Arcade Fire
Jay-Z
Sad Brad Smith
Radiohead
Spoon
B.O.B.
Sooo much more.
I hope to God this will be a good thing. I hope I'll be ok. I wish I could push pause on LA and have nothing change until I come back. But that won't happen. The world has to continue moving on, whether I want it to or not. I've made some fantastic friends, I love my roommates: Robbie Bear, Ganyon, Blastin and Steff. Oh and all the other nomads who flitted in and out of The Dome. The Amazing Dome. I can't wait to come back. I already miss you LA!

Every night I spoon Punksatony Phil

Every morning, for the past five months (wow I've been here for five months?), I wake up, open my eyes and look out the window. The sun is shining, there are no clouds in the sky, it is a perfect sky blue. I think "what work am I doing today?" I no longer see the days as dreadful Monday, almost there Wednesday or exciting Friday. I see them as M.A.C., My Future Girlfriend, internship, networking, fashion show, junket, music video... I don't know the days of the week. The only indicator between one day and the next is that the gardner comes on Monday, street cleaning comes on Thursday, and trash comes on Friday. This morning I heard the gardner weed eating and I thought "I guess it's Monday", shut the curtains and slept for another hour. Sometimes I work for 13 days straight (thank you God!), sometimes I have 3 days off in a row (insert panic here). I love what I do, I love the girls I work with, they are amazing, they are my saving grace. I love my roommates, they are my brothers. I've been lucky enough to love the crews that I work with as well. They have been amazing down to earth, hard working guys. I actually love driving to work and driving around L.A. to run my errands. This city is so different than any other I've ever lived in. I'm STILL not over the palm trees lining the streets, or the mountains, or how if I just happen to look to my right, I'll see the Hollywood sign up on the hill, just in case I forget where I am. I love the crazy people on Hollywood Blvd., and the beautiful people who never step out of the house without hair, makeup and a matching $300 sweatsuit on, just to go to Target. I love the sun, I love that I can go to the beach if I feel like it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the taco stands. I love that I can drive down the street everyday for five months straight and never see the same person twice. I love that I can see the tall glittery buildings of downtown L.A. from my front porch. I just wish I made at least twice as much money as I do now. There are so many things I want to do here! Concerts and art shows and restaurants and riding horses through the mountains and Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory (approximately 15 minutes from me). It's sometimes discouraging, but I am glad that my life is here and I'm pursuing my dream and some major goals. So here I am; wake up, open your eyes, another beautiful day, go to work, come home, work out, drink a glass of wine (thank you God!), watch a movie, make some phone calls, go to bed, pull Punksatony Phil close to me, and do it all again the next day.

I am whatever you say I am

Even though my intentions are almost always good, I admit that sometimes I have a bad attitude. That being said, I learned a very very hard lesson in the industry this weekend. Sometimes the people you think are your friends are not. These blogs are supposed to be about my experiences in L.A., but I can't come to describe the humiliation, sadness and betrayal I experienced on Friday. I can't go into detail because that would turn this blog into an epic four-part chronicle of pronouns which interests no one but the direct party involved. I'll just say that I grew to care about the girls I went to school with, as well as my instructor, Veronica. (Veronica is one of the most amazing teachers I've ever had, as well as a friend.) I was actively intersted in the lives and futures of 2/3 of the girls in the class. It's too bad this sincerity and friendship couldn't be returned, or even legitimately severed by one of those former classmates. It's also unfortunate that when a former student makes an unintentional mistake, or simply offends someone else at the school, the school will be quick to make judgement and hand out verdicts and punishments. I value my education because I was fortunate enough to have the instructors that I did. This being said, that facility did absolutely nothing for me in the end. Moral of this vague story: there are very few people in this town who have your back. If you can find a genuine person here, cherish them, becuase they are far and few between.